being at peace,

 

My Mind Wonders at night an gets lost in the thoughts of what you are doing? 

Did you get to eat?

The things you do just to make ends meet,

I pray that God, keeps you warm an always protects you from the storms.

I really haven't known who you are for quite a while,

But I try to act tough so I force this fake smile.

I want My Mother Back!

You love someone else way more than me,Her name is Crystal Meth and I don't think she'll ever set you free,

I want My Mother Back!

She's had you in her hands for about 10 years,But all of those years are nothing compared to my fear.

I want My Mother Back!

Fear of you lying

Fear of you dying

Fear of having so much faith in you and just being left crying.

I want My Mother Back!

You wrote me letters when i was growing up,promising me you would change,but some how ,some way, you are just set in your own ways.

I want My Mother back!

You've told me to my face that it was drugs over me,

Even that wasn't enough to make me see.

I want My Mother Back!

When you are clean,You give me so much hope, then tomorrow it's the same ole' dope phen.

I want My Mother Back!

Everything i say This comes from my heart and every word of it's true,im not sure how to express my self to you so ill just write My soul out to you,like ol times,

I want My Mother back!

I do thank you so much for one thing,Thank you for showing me how important a good mother should be. 

And to never show my children the pain that you showed me.

"but i love you mom.

Don't get me wrong mom, i do love you,an i thank you for being the best mom You Possibly could be.

"I still love you.

But today I officially set myself free,Because I know there's a stronger woman in me.

I love you mom.

parenting,123

Co-Parenting obviously isnt for everyone.

I thought i had this whole parenting ordeal down,but im constantly learning new things everyday.

One thing that My Daughter has taught me is to be Patient, Kind,&Still.

I've learned to let things play out,not in My timing But in our gods timing.

On New Years of 2013 i told Myself,that its not about ME,Dispite how i feel towards Gracies dad its still her Dad.

So i chose to put everything aside, i chose to give him that chance, by this time we were back in forth in the court system fighting custody,visitation, an Child support. 

Things always just seem to fall off with her dad,we argued about everything, 

From Gossip to how we Parent Gracie. 

As time passed i fought for Full sole,physical custody an i won .

So lets Fast foward,

Gracies Dad saw her a few months ago here in town,for about 2 hours.

Than him an his Family moved to the next town over,i still offered visitations,with the understanding that being consistent is what is needed for our daughter.

Somewhere in between our daily lifes he fell off,

Now granted we both work an our schedule was different i always made time if he would,but he never,( now with me having custody,i legally dont have to let him visit, see,or talk with gracie but i choose to.)

Well i tried to.

No calls,

No visits,

No text messages? 

Nothing. 

Gracies dad just stopped.

To be exact, most of the time our communication went through his Girlfriend. 

Why?

I don't know. 

Alot of the reason why Gracies Dad an i did not get along is because. .

I don't think he ever wanted to have a child with me,he didn't have no interest, nor intentions on being her Father considering that we were never in a relationship, we were never serious about eachother, a simple 2 year fling turned into "your in my life forever."

Yes it can be very hard 99.99% of the time because as a Mother i hate to see him do this to our daughter,i hate that he gave up on his first child like that.

But in all Honesty, i believe everything happens for a reason ..

 i no longer dwell on what can't be changed.

I do not talk bad about her dad,because my daughter sees things for her self,

My Daughter knows who is here an whos not.

My Daughter will find out when shes old enough, why her Dad an His family is Not in her life.

I don't have to negatively speak on her Dad,his actions are speaking louder than My words ever will.

Gracie might not have her Biological dad in her life, but My Husband has been there for Gracie when she needed a daddy,Gracie is turning 5 years old! Shes growing up!

Our Families love an care for her more than anyone can imagine, an when the time comes i will not lie to her about who her Dad an who her FATHER is.

Domestic Violence,

This brought me to tears,

Hearing this little girl cry for help an screaming because her mom is being abused! 

I remember as a child growing up i seen alot of Domestic violence an would scream for My neighbors help an No one would help Us! No one called the police!

It was a regular thing for our household to go through this!

I remember i couldnt wait till i was old enough to move out,an never have to hear the sounds of My Mothers Screaming or see the vicious men slamming there fist against her!

http://goingviralposts.net/hard-listen-6-year-old-girl-call-911-not-cry/

confusion

The hardest thing is to watch someone distroy them selfs.

As if they were never born,

As if they never exsited.

My heart aches,

But My Tears are tired.

I never thought would come this point in my life,

That i give up, 

I give up......

I give up trying to save you, when you won't save your self.

I give up crying for you when you never shed a tear for me.

What about me!

What about how i feel!

Im hurt,

Im angry,

Im frustrated, 

Maybe i am.

duh.

I feel everything deeply 

Not just emotions,but intentions,

Vibes,

Judgements, 

Lies.

Someone asked me why do you only blog about your husband an Child.

Um hello,

Because #1 this is My Website. . Like Bye lol

An because #2 My Daughter an Husband are My Biggest blessings. 

Marriage is Beautiful when your in love an with the right Man.

Being a Mother is Beautiful. 

Both have changed My life in ways that are unexplainable. 

Ive been a wife for almost 1 year.

An ive been a Mother for almost 5 years.

Like duh,i have alot to say about them both ahaha.

white tiger

Ive learned that in life everything,
You Do!
Everything 
You Say!
Every action will reflect on your life!

Like dont tell me i dont deserve what i have because "whatever Reason you come up with"
Like quit feeling sorry for your self!
Quit making excuses 
Quit making a Reason why you cant do it!
An just do it!

Despite the way i grew up an how both my parents were!
That did not reflect on my life to the point where it controlled me.
I Control My life!
I Control every movement!

Dont sit an tell me my past Owns me!
My past aint shit,My Past is a simple stepping stone to where im at today!
Everyone has a struggle,
I Happen to trust mine an went with the flow an became a better person!

Ive learned i cant make everyone happy,
An i no longer try to.

Because in the end the only person that needs to be happy are your children, spouse,an Your self of course. 
I know Myself better than anyone,
An No ones Words, nor opinion will hurt me.
Like i sleep Great Every night thank you.

Silent night.

-2 corinthians 1-4 

So i made up my mind that i would not make another painful visit to you.

For if i grieve you,

who is left to make me Happy but you...

whom i grieved? 

I wrote As i did so that when i arrived i would not be distressed by those who ought to make me rejoice. 

I had confidence in all of you,

that you would share my joy. 

For i wrote you out of Great distress an anguish from my heart,

with many tears!

Not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

Tell it like it is

If its one thing i want to teach my daughter.

Its to always respect her Self,an her Siblings,

Its so ugly to see family disrespect eachother,

Unfortunately its something i see way to often,

Im not raising My daughter with hate in her Heart,

Or to be Rude&+disrespectful to others.

An if that means i have to remove people out of her life that shows that kind of behavior...

So be it.

Its hard to teach something so beautiful,when the world is such a ugly place.

God Gave Me You.

i love it when you run your fingers through my rugged hair,

I love it when you call me beautiful and compliment me so,

I love it when you seem confused as you don't know,

I love the way you stare at me and look into my eyes,

My heart gets so heavy and deep that all the time just flies,

I love the way you kiss me so gentle you lips so calm,

I love the way you hold my hand and rubb your fingers against my palm,

I love it when you wrap your arms around me,the way that I felt,

When you stare me down and hug me tight I just want to melt,

I love your beautiful smile everytime I see it I want to faint,

Your laugh is so soothing it heals me like you're a saint,

I love the way you whisper to me when someone is nearby,

I love it when you say sweet things that make me want to cry,

I love the way you look at me with that cute little puppy face,

It seems as if you are so sad or simply out of place,

I love the way you are so confident in everything you do,

                                 but most of all out of everything I love you for being you!

-Richard when we feel in love it was so unexpected,

Our relationship has been Anything but Casual or Convenient.

We have had many times when the Circumstances seemed impossible.

But there was Never ever a time that i thought it would not be worth it.

This Relationship,Now Marriage.

Has changed the way i think about love,

An has shown me how love should be.

Richard our first year of Being together along with being Married has put us to the test.

We have struggled together,

Cried together,

Brainstormed together

&+Encourged each other.

When both our families put us in situations 

That seemed impossible to get around.

We did it.

When our families tried to Break us.

WE stuck together.

I know alot of people thought we would not make it,

Not everyone had Faith in us.

But My Dearest Husband we have come so far!

Look at all we have accomplished in this 1 year.

We Have Been Married.

We got Our first Home together.

Were getting our first House together.

Now to build our family,

Our Marriage is no where near perfect,

But i promise to always stick by your side

To love you through thick an thin

To always support you an never hold you back on chasing your dreams

i promise to always hug you at night,

An Remind you how Much i love you.

An never put alot of cheese in your Chili Rellenos.

I promise to love an care for you through sickness an Health.

God Has Blessed us.

Happy 1 year Anniversary I love you so much Richard.

May we always Strive in our marriage to be the best we can be.

-Mrs Lopez.

Frozen in Time.

When I blog I have to turn off all the lights

An Put on My Head Phones an Just tune out the world.

I have to Free My Mind,Relax an Write.

Im not sure I'll ever understand how the Universe works..

Its like . . 

The people who are caught up on Drugs ..

an Doing nothing with there life,Are those who need the attention.

An the people who work everyday an choose to have a Better life 

Are just ...

There...

Like.

Just There in the World....

let the games Begin.

                                  

Genesis 1:28 

Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground."

                                      Its almost a year of Relationship an Marriage for Richard an I.

I remember the first thing both our families told us,was to be careful an not have any children so soon.

WE never prevented pregnancy, we just decided as a couple that if it happen naturally it was fine with us.

My husbands Family didnt want us to have any children until we were married,

My Husbands Parents didnt even let us sleep in the same room together until we were married lol .

We wanted to do things different for our family, as a Newly Married Couple we wanted to work on our Marriage an Build this empire strong for our children.

We want to get right in life, 

In our marriage 

As People

As parents.

                                                                  Our Lifes our in a place where . . 

We worked hard to get them,Nothing an i mean Nothing was Handed to us.

My Husband an i work hard to give Our Daughter a Great Future.

An just in case i have New Readers My Husband is Not My Daughters Biological Dad.

But My Husband has stepped up Tremendously to be a Wonderful Father in Gracies Life.

next month will be a year that we have Been in a Relationship an Dec will be a Year of Marriage.

💞

An We have decided to expand Our Family,Now like i said ,

We never did anything to prevent Pregnancy, 

So Now we are currently Trying for a Baby😊

An By Trying I Mean we are set on Having a Baby Very Very Soon lol .

We already Have a Boy Name an a Girl name picked out

😘.

       

Finding Peace!!✌

Peace?

So much in My life has Happen lord Knows I need peace in My Heart

Scratch that

 in My Soul.!!

Forgiving people has never come easy to me.

Its always been that way

I feel like I can never forgive

Like My Father being Locked up Almost every Birthday I've ever had!

Or Both My Parent choosing thier Relationships over me.

Or My step dad Deciding to fuck My whole life up .

Everyone I ever cared about has impacted My life in ways I'll just never be able to change.

Now trying to find peace in My Heart to Forgive all these people have been tremendously Hard.

I've built memories with My Parents an Step Parents that Most the time is easier to forget than rather remember.

I had no choice to find peace with thin my self,

It would eat me alive if I didn't

Misery does love company

In my mind there was always a dark dark ugly place I never wanted to return to.

An it became easier to just get all these memories an emotions an keep them hidden from the world.

It than became a normal part of my life to just keep My Feelings Bottles up.

 I had a Ugly heart.

I did not want to be unhappy, Nor let people make me that way.

I knew I had to change an just get Right..

An I had to dig deep deep down an pull everything out,

So I started from the bottom an worked my way up 

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace 

The list will go on 

I made changes in My life,

Started thinking for myself

Making things right

An I no longer worry about things I can not change.

Everyone who has every hurt me or fucked my life up 

Its OK I forgive you all..

Not because you deserve it 

But because I do!

fireworks

I woke Up today.

I woke up today an I felt super Blessed.

Every morning I wake up an go into My BabyGirls room,

 an kiss her an whisper how much I love her.

I didnt understand this overwhelming feeling?

I was showering an asking myself whats going on?

As im eatting breakfast i think . . 

My Bills are Paid

I got a Home

I got food

I got a car

We have clean clothes&Shoes

Most importantly we have eachother.

Im very Humble,an Thankful.

My daughter is My Everything

When I look into her eyes I feel alive.

I Know everything at this exact moment in my life is Happening for a Reason.

Gracie has Always been My #1 

From the day she was Born

I knew everything i Did from that day on 

Was going to be for her.

Gracie has made me into a woman

Gracie has taught me how to . .

Love

Forgive

Forget

Mostly to just have peace with Myself,

Thats i struggle with the most to find Peace.

That seems Impossible..

i am Meth

Your Mother-Ill take that

Your Father-ill take that

You'll slowly loose everything.

One hit at a time,

Every Nickel

Every Dime

Its always just one more time,

you say to your self

This is the last time.

but next month I'll be back

This time im here to collect

I'll take your Rent

Ill take every pay check

Next iI'll take your life

If you dont me 

My Name is Meth

Ill ruin your family

Ill ruin your life

Ill take all you got

An ill take you down,one hit at a time

Till theres nothing left on your mind

Dark an sucluded,

My Name is Meth 

One more time,i promise this is the last.

Once i have you,your mine

Your Money,Mine

Your soul,Mine

Your Mind,Belongs to me

Your Dignity,Mine

I am Meth.

Venting.

Promise to break everybody off before I break down

Everyone just wait now, 

so much on my plate now

People I believed in they don't even show they face now

What they got to say now? 

but still they look at me a way now

What more can I say now?

Everyone is quick to say how you should better,

But life lesson

Not ONE these Muthfuckas wants to see you do better than them.

Let that sink in.

When you know an see better you do BETTER.

I dont do it for anyone but My Daughter an Husband.

Because we deserve the best.

My Hustle is Honest.

An there ain't NOTHING WRONG with doing it the right way.

Dreams

I guess you can say My life was Everything. . . . .

But. . . 

Normal . . . . 

What is Normal?

Sometimes in odd hours of the night I'll wake up 

Outta no where with Bad Anxiety.

An usually that Means something is wrong..

I don't know what it is..

Or how to explain it.

But I'm always right.

PTSD.

Flash backs

Memories

I wish it would Fade away.

just Remember

thirsty for Blood

Hungry for Energy

As I gasp for Air,You feed Me Toxens.

No more

Not today

Wash her Heart 

Wash it clean

Just remember Me,

You only have one

An once i stop Beating

There will be nothing left of you an Me.

Ill give you one Chance to make it right

Thirsty for Blood

Hungry for Energy 

As i Gasp for air,Will you do anything to Save me.

Will you do whats Right..

constant.

Im a strong believer of everything Happens for a reason,

My Marriage is NO where near Perfect,

But whos is?

Everyday i learn something new about My Husband,

His Likes

His Dislikes

Marriage is a Constent,

An if your not Constent with each other you will fall.

I try everyday to better Myself as a Mother&+Wife.

Most importantly a Person in general,

Ive learned so much in just 1 year.

With My Husband it was love at first sight

An I knew from the moment i saw him he was going to be My Husband.

I expected the worse this first year of Marriage an that's what we got from our families,

We have struggled so much . . 

Simply because we Depended on People.

My Husband an i 

Come from 2 different types of Familys.

2 different Lifes styles.

I lived with My grandparents

He lived with his Parents

An either of us wanted to move to eachothers families but we did.

It didnt last long until we realized we needed our own space an decided  to branch out.

I knew this was going to be hard for us,

I felt lost,Confused,Happy,Emotional,

Um simply because this was REAL.

Everything Hit me all at once,

But i trusted My Struggle,

I belived in My struggle,

I knew this was just the start.

Theres Many time where i just sit an wonder how are we doing this?

How are we so blessed?

My daughter an Husband are My Rocks we stay strong for Gracie an Eachother.

Ive Learned to always stay Humble,Have Patience,Love,an Communicate.

Embrace

Shout out to the people who believe me.

Even if no one believes in me,

I know I believe in myself.

Maybe this is why I'm so hard on myself

Because despite how i grew up,an what i went through

Im Not letting that Hold me back.

When i accomplish things in my life

I embrace Myself.

I encourge Myself to do better.

When you know better you do better.

I hold HIGH expectations for Myself,

I set no limits for myself.

No one will hold me back,

I got a taste of Life an we love it.

Everyone has a choice,

you can not live your life unless you have control of it.

Control your life,dont let your life control you.

true to the Game, i aint new to this.

Im Justtrying to get right in a world full of wrong.

I'm TRYING to Change this Vicious Cycle.

Everything's the same, but it feels different

My Dreams are whom im Racing.

I hope My Success Never Alters our Relationship.

look into My eyes, Actually Look into My Soul.

My Mom called me up knowning That i still listen

An shes still got her foot out,Guilt trippin

Its been years though,i just learn to deal with it.

Ya,Thats it!!

I just Learned to deal with it.

sexy Mama

My Soul Yells through My Writing.

My hand Freely Writes.

Feeling good about your self is the first step,

It took me along time to accept my self an feel sexy

We MOTHERS,Struggle with this.

We carry are Beautiful children an Often forget

About us.

YES were important to.

I love doing My Makeup an Hair an Blasting the Music an Dancing.

I love feeling sexy!

An than I look down next to me,

an.....

boom!!!!

There's My Daughter Dancing Next to me!

How can I not feel beautiful ??

Roaming..

i was so weak than.. an you knew it

Starving Heart,Roaming Soul.

Getting lost in your OWN Life is Pretty Scary!

How do you find your self?

Wanna know whats more trippy...??

Getting lost in someone else's life.

Finding your self so deep in someones

Pain..

Hurt....

Sorrow...

Anger..

There are no doors to turn to..

How do you get out this place.

You are not the only one!!

Trust Your Struggle

 My Love, lord knows we have been through Many challenges in just a Year Time.

Happy,Scared,Sad,Nervous,Excited,Beyond Ready

In love,Breaking Points.

We faced all these obsticles in just over a Year time.

A year might not seem long to Many people,But a Year for us we have come along way lol.

I have NO WORDS for this Almost 1 Year for us.

EXCEPT

We Trusted our Struggled,We struggled together,an we Proved EveryBody Wrong.

I've learned to Trust in Myself in what seems like the Most Difficult times in my life.

I've learned in just this year that no one will have you like you got yourself even if no one gots us,I know we got Each other!

An there's no better feeling than knowing your going to make it no matter what.

Because Failure is No longer a Option.

Because today I am a Mother an Wife an My Limits will never stop.

No one will tell me how to run my life nor Family,if you aint paying My Bills Get out My Face.

Good things Happen to Good People.

Stop an Reevaluate your life.

Let that sink in . . . . . . . . . 

Ill continue to stay humble,Because I know everything that is happening in My life at this exact moment is Meant to be.

carl,Ugiene.

i always heard growing up no can break a brothers an sisters bond.

Boy did they lie..

My Dearest Brother, where did we loose eachother at?

How can we allow our selfs to fall apart an become weak.

Sometimes i sit an look at all the pictures of us growning up,

An i know our children will never share the bond we once had.

We always talked about how "Our Kids" would be the ones who changed this family.

How different of parents we would be!

How we would never ever give up on each other an how we only have eachother.

But how can we stop the rain,from falling?

What makes the world go round?

Sometimes things fall outta place so better things can happen.

Things Happen for a Reason.

i love you Bro, an Maybe One day Everything will be settled.

Till than we will continue to live our lifes.

embrace it All.

When I was pregnant with Gracie I Embraced every minute of it,
Even when I was pregnant an couldn't stand the smell of certain things or eat things I loved. Not every woman is Blessed enough to grow a Child inside of her.
An so when I hear Women complain about their pregnancy or bitch about everything it Urks me because how blessed are these women who are able to create an hold life inside of them for 9 months but they complain about it??

Now yes every situation Might be different but Life is life.
You embrace that life you created.

I love an embrace my child.

Humble

Maybe its just Watching the sun rise everyday or maybe its the smells of the flowers Blooming...

When I hear talkin', I just don't know what to make of it
Hate is so familiar to me, I'm slowly embracing it
Doesn't come natural, bear with me it could take a bit

my dreams are who I'm racing with
You can see I'm pacin' it so that I'm always chasin' it
I hope that my success never alters our relationship








I try an to stay Very Very Humble in All situations, see I'm trying to be a BETTER person.

Hold up,Hold Up . . . . I didn't say I was perfect.

I want something I'm going to make it Happen.

There's no Reason to be jealous of someone just because they are working hard for what they want or they are blessed with Opportunities. This is one thing I can't stand!!
Like why can't people just be HAPPY that someone is moving up in life.

They look at me a certain way now,because I'm doing better than they could have ever been I'm far from perfect just like everyone I know.

black sheep Bahhhh.

Growing up I just wanted someone to acknowledge all the "GOOD" I do.
I strive for the best everyday, I strive to be a Better Mother,a Better wife.


I have feelings to!

I like to refer Myself as a Black sheep of the Family.
I've always been treated a little different...... Did I say a Little...
I meant a lot.

I held a lot of Bitterness, Confusion, Maybe Anger,a Hint of Jealousy.
We have what you call the "Golden Child" in our family an one of those Golden child was My Oldest brother,No Matter how much wrong he did He was NEVER wrong.

As a young child I never understood,

What's wrong with me?
Why am I being treated differently?

Its just a cycle in our family.

Once I got Married I decided that I was just going to let it all go,
I'm turning 21 I'm not going to let the past take over me, man I've never felt so damb weak,
Once I realized I literally let this take over me.

I have to be able to control My life, not let my life control me.
I'm no longer in competition with someone who's suppose to be My Sibling.
I will not fight for someone to love or care about me,I figure I don't need someone to tell Me there proud of me when I'm proud of my self!
I'm proud of where I am at today!
I am proud that I am young an Independent, I work everyday for what I want in life.
I work hard to stay independent, I refuse to Fail an when you come to a point in your life when your tired of being the same you will change

Even if no one Acknowledges All My Good,I'm still Good.

a Letter To Mom.

So almost 5 paragraphs got deleted but you know what maybe it was for the best.
Let's start over......









Mom,I hope someday you are Proud of me.
I hope one day I make you proud to say "That's My Daughter"
Mom Despite everything we've been through,I don't hold anything against you.
I understand that no one is perfect,I understand that being left with 2 kids wasn't easy.
I remember the good days an I live off those,I wish I can take the pain away,its a struggle everyday for me to not have the Relationship I want with you.
I remember when I was younger we would write letters to each other an read them.
Writing took all my feelings an emotions away.

Mom I have Faith that one day,you will be strong an dig deep an Find an Repair your Heart because in Reality only you can.
I love you so much an you mean the world to me,one day I will buy you a Big comfy house,a Nice Car. An give you the world.
I promise to always work hard an Never give up on myself.
I promise to always be the best mother an always improve on Motherhood.

Growing up with a parent who has a Addiction is Never Easy,it truly sucks that this happens everyday. I could never ever till this day uunderstand how women an men can choose drugs over there child? How can you look you child in the eyes an continue to ruin your child's life.

I have always told my self to not be weak,to always stay focused on My Daughter create a bond that not even drugs can Break. Nothing nor no one can ever over come our Relationship, my daughter will forever come first because she's My Life. I control My life,My life Does not control me.

Xoxo-Marissa

oh Hi There.

You Know when you finally get a Taste of Being Happy you'll refuse to have Anybody in your life that will take that away.
Happy has never felt any better than this,
To work for what you'll have is a Truly Amazing Feeling,yes maybe sometimes it sucks to wake up before the sun does but it feels awesome to pay bills an Buy the things we want an need.
I never have to worry about someone saying "You have this or that Because of me"
Everything I have an everything we get, "WE" work for it.
We work in order to stay Independent.

Paying Our Bills, Never Felt so Good.

I've learned so much on My Own..
An the First thing was to learn to be Happy,Disconnecting from Toxic People.
Being Happy for me is to live simple, Stay Huble an Always smile.

The MAN that CHANGED EVERYTHING.

Now for me Growing up I seen a A lot of Physical an Emotional Abuse towards My mom,an I never could wrap My Brain around Why or how she can stay with a so called MAN as long as they abused her??
With that being I held a lot of Anger towards men,How can men do this? How is this OK?

I always thought of Men to be a Violent Breed of Species,I mean come on how can I NOT,I didn't know there was any other kind.
Little did I know the Things I would see an Hear as a child/Preteen would soon Affect My Adult life. I do believe what I saw as a child affected the way I see men,an My Standards for,men.

After Growing up an Entering My adult hood i just knew i didn't want the Kind of LOVE i seen My family had,


I didn't really know what love was Until I got Pregnant.
A younger,Smarter,Faster ME.
The most amazing feeling I feel, words can't describe the feeling for real.
My Greatest creation was Gracie.

I got this emotion in body,a feeling like . . .  I knew I couldn't live with out this little girl next to me,I wanted everything for her,I never wanted her to Feel Sadness,I never wanted her to worry about Anything,i just want to Protect Her forever.
 So this is what love feels like?
Holding My daughter I felt this 4 letter word Love..
Wow love feels pretty amazing if you ask me?!!

Now Back to MEN;


Than I met My Husband💏💏💏💑💑💑💑.
The Man that would Change EVERYTHING.
All My worries, All My Anger, Hurt ,Broken Pieces.
He Put Together,Richard Made me Realize that there are men that will love you.
That won't hurt you,Men that do want a Family an will do Anything to keep you happy.
In My Case,It was hard to trust because everything I had seen an Heard growing up this was to good to be true.
Richard has changed My Daughters life along with mine forever,
Sometimes I have a Hard time expressing My love,
I thought Yelling an Arguing was A normal kind of love.
Little did I know.....

Learning to love a Man,has been harder than I thought.
But the feeling you get when its Right is Undescribable❤💙.


So now with being almost 21,Married,a Mother,Employed.
I have to constantly remind My Myself "Marissa You are not your Mother,"
I have to break this vicious cycle,Reality Struck. .
An I refuse to be like EVERYONE ELSE.

I am the one to make it Happen, I live for My Daughters an Husband smile an we are going to make it with or without anyone else.

It takes a lot to try an get out of a constant cycle that's been in your family forever,

#GetRight #BreakTheCycle #ImTheOne.








I love you Richard❤

Whos Wrong an Whos Right?

I feel like when people say Being Married isn't no different than a regular relationship are Crazy. Being Married is very different on Many levels!
This Man your about to Marry, you will forever wake up next to him every morning an you  will Lay Next to everynight.
When you get married you Vow To be everything to this Man,You vow to hold him down through thick an than. Its more than just a ring an a Pieace of Paper.

I knew that I wanted a Marriage different than anyone in My Family.
I know, No Marriage is Perfect,I won't sit an Say Our Marriage IS.
We have a lot to Learn an work on,were growing as a Married Couple an we understand that it will get better but we have to make that happen,we have to create the life we want.

Richard an I can Disagree,not talk to each other for a few hours but at the end of the day we still want to lay our heads next to each other.

Till Next time Xoxo 🌻 Marissa.