let the games Begin.

                                  

Genesis 1:28 

Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground."

                                      Its almost a year of Relationship an Marriage for Richard an I.

I remember the first thing both our families told us,was to be careful an not have any children so soon.

WE never prevented pregnancy, we just decided as a couple that if it happen naturally it was fine with us.

My husbands Family didnt want us to have any children until we were married,

My Husbands Parents didnt even let us sleep in the same room together until we were married lol .

We wanted to do things different for our family, as a Newly Married Couple we wanted to work on our Marriage an Build this empire strong for our children.

We want to get right in life, 

In our marriage 

As People

As parents.

                                                                  Our Lifes our in a place where . . 

We worked hard to get them,Nothing an i mean Nothing was Handed to us.

My Husband an i work hard to give Our Daughter a Great Future.

An just in case i have New Readers My Husband is Not My Daughters Biological Dad.

But My Husband has stepped up Tremendously to be a Wonderful Father in Gracies Life.

next month will be a year that we have Been in a Relationship an Dec will be a Year of Marriage.

💞

An We have decided to expand Our Family,Now like i said ,

We never did anything to prevent Pregnancy, 

So Now we are currently Trying for a Baby😊

An By Trying I Mean we are set on Having a Baby Very Very Soon lol .

We already Have a Boy Name an a Girl name picked out

😘.

       

Finding Peace!!✌

Peace?

So much in My life has Happen lord Knows I need peace in My Heart

Scratch that

 in My Soul.!!

Forgiving people has never come easy to me.

Its always been that way

I feel like I can never forgive

Like My Father being Locked up Almost every Birthday I've ever had!

Or Both My Parent choosing thier Relationships over me.

Or My step dad Deciding to fuck My whole life up .

Everyone I ever cared about has impacted My life in ways I'll just never be able to change.

Now trying to find peace in My Heart to Forgive all these people have been tremendously Hard.

I've built memories with My Parents an Step Parents that Most the time is easier to forget than rather remember.

I had no choice to find peace with thin my self,

It would eat me alive if I didn't

Misery does love company

In my mind there was always a dark dark ugly place I never wanted to return to.

An it became easier to just get all these memories an emotions an keep them hidden from the world.

It than became a normal part of my life to just keep My Feelings Bottles up.

 I had a Ugly heart.

I did not want to be unhappy, Nor let people make me that way.

I knew I had to change an just get Right..

An I had to dig deep deep down an pull everything out,

So I started from the bottom an worked my way up 

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace

Peace 

The list will go on 

I made changes in My life,

Started thinking for myself

Making things right

An I no longer worry about things I can not change.

Everyone who has every hurt me or fucked my life up 

Its OK I forgive you all..

Not because you deserve it 

But because I do!

fireworks

I woke Up today.

I woke up today an I felt super Blessed.

Every morning I wake up an go into My BabyGirls room,

 an kiss her an whisper how much I love her.

I didnt understand this overwhelming feeling?

I was showering an asking myself whats going on?

As im eatting breakfast i think . . 

My Bills are Paid

I got a Home

I got food

I got a car

We have clean clothes&Shoes

Most importantly we have eachother.

Im very Humble,an Thankful.

My daughter is My Everything

When I look into her eyes I feel alive.

I Know everything at this exact moment in my life is Happening for a Reason.

Gracie has Always been My #1 

From the day she was Born

I knew everything i Did from that day on 

Was going to be for her.

Gracie has made me into a woman

Gracie has taught me how to . .

Love

Forgive

Forget

Mostly to just have peace with Myself,

Thats i struggle with the most to find Peace.

That seems Impossible..

i am Meth

Your Mother-Ill take that

Your Father-ill take that

You'll slowly loose everything.

One hit at a time,

Every Nickel

Every Dime

Its always just one more time,

you say to your self

This is the last time.

but next month I'll be back

This time im here to collect

I'll take your Rent

Ill take every pay check

Next iI'll take your life

If you dont me 

My Name is Meth

Ill ruin your family

Ill ruin your life

Ill take all you got

An ill take you down,one hit at a time

Till theres nothing left on your mind

Dark an sucluded,

My Name is Meth 

One more time,i promise this is the last.

Once i have you,your mine

Your Money,Mine

Your soul,Mine

Your Mind,Belongs to me

Your Dignity,Mine

I am Meth.

Venting.

Promise to break everybody off before I break down

Everyone just wait now, 

so much on my plate now

People I believed in they don't even show they face now

What they got to say now? 

but still they look at me a way now

What more can I say now?

Everyone is quick to say how you should better,

But life lesson

Not ONE these Muthfuckas wants to see you do better than them.

Let that sink in.

When you know an see better you do BETTER.

I dont do it for anyone but My Daughter an Husband.

Because we deserve the best.

My Hustle is Honest.

An there ain't NOTHING WRONG with doing it the right way.

Dreams

I guess you can say My life was Everything. . . . .

But. . . 

Normal . . . . 

What is Normal?

Sometimes in odd hours of the night I'll wake up 

Outta no where with Bad Anxiety.

An usually that Means something is wrong..

I don't know what it is..

Or how to explain it.

But I'm always right.

PTSD.

Flash backs

Memories

I wish it would Fade away.

just Remember

thirsty for Blood

Hungry for Energy

As I gasp for Air,You feed Me Toxens.

No more

Not today

Wash her Heart 

Wash it clean

Just remember Me,

You only have one

An once i stop Beating

There will be nothing left of you an Me.

Ill give you one Chance to make it right

Thirsty for Blood

Hungry for Energy 

As i Gasp for air,Will you do anything to Save me.

Will you do whats Right..

constant.

Im a strong believer of everything Happens for a reason,

My Marriage is NO where near Perfect,

But whos is?

Everyday i learn something new about My Husband,

His Likes

His Dislikes

Marriage is a Constent,

An if your not Constent with each other you will fall.

I try everyday to better Myself as a Mother&+Wife.

Most importantly a Person in general,

Ive learned so much in just 1 year.

With My Husband it was love at first sight

An I knew from the moment i saw him he was going to be My Husband.

I expected the worse this first year of Marriage an that's what we got from our families,

We have struggled so much . . 

Simply because we Depended on People.

My Husband an i 

Come from 2 different types of Familys.

2 different Lifes styles.

I lived with My grandparents

He lived with his Parents

An either of us wanted to move to eachothers families but we did.

It didnt last long until we realized we needed our own space an decided  to branch out.

I knew this was going to be hard for us,

I felt lost,Confused,Happy,Emotional,

Um simply because this was REAL.

Everything Hit me all at once,

But i trusted My Struggle,

I belived in My struggle,

I knew this was just the start.

Theres Many time where i just sit an wonder how are we doing this?

How are we so blessed?

My daughter an Husband are My Rocks we stay strong for Gracie an Eachother.

Ive Learned to always stay Humble,Have Patience,Love,an Communicate.