I've shared so much with you guys and I have about 4k views and counting,
And Night after Night and Many sleepless night I have I come to My Blog and I just sit and stare at a blank screen....... What do I write about today? Do I even feel like writing? I've literally shared my life with complete strangers but yet feel at peace.But something so heavy,so heavy My heart can't even hold,I'm trying to understand why! Why my family! Why My Nana! Why!
Something that was so small turned all our life's upside down!
Angry Because I don't understand!
Sad because I don't know what to expect!
All I can do is cry!
Cry in Fear!
Cry in Not understanding!
I'm mad! Why my nana! She works her ass off to help other people,she saves life's so why make her fight for hers?
Why would God do this to her? To us! To our Family!
Many sleepless nights I find my self up,and awake curled in a ball crying! Trying to be positive,trying to find some peace!
My nana holds a special place in My life! She saved me from my childhood when I needed! My dads family was always there for me,to comfort me. Those nights I would stay up late just to be picked up after her late night shift at the hospital,or her always making sure that I had school clothes.
Just looking back I'm just feeling it.
I'm just feeling some type of hurt,what can I do? What can I do to take this off my heart it's so heavy and I just can't even think of the future. I can't imagine loosing my nana!
I have never ever lost any of my grandparents,great grand parents! And this is crushing my soul!
To know that someone who saves life's on a daily basis is now on a Battle to save her own life!!
I guess I'm feeling guilty,guilty for all the times I acted like a Brat! Because I didn't get MY way!
All the times I was selfish at Christmas! When I should have just been grateful for my nana being here with me! All the times she spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on me and I was mean and ungrateful!
When I write it takes all My Pain!
All My feelings and emotions,are right here! This is REAL!
A Letter to My Nana!
You can't imagine the love I have for you Nana,
All the sleepless nights you have had with me when I was sick!
Or all the money you ever spent on me when I needed things.
The love you gave me when both my parents weren't there,you taught me how to play the guitar,all the times we would sing and make songs.
All the cats and dogs we have shared! Bear,lilly,Snowball! My favorites!
Or passing the railroad tracks and coming up to see all the horses!
You impacted my life so much and I love you dearly,and I just want to apologize.
Apologize for all the years I was selfish and didn't even know it.
I'm sorry for being ungrateful and not saying thank you.
I love you so much and I can't imagine My Life with out you nana,that's why we must fight this! We must fight till we have no more fight in us.
I'm having such a hard time nana,this news is crushing Me,I don't know how to deal with this or what to think? I know you say you will be alright,but I'm afraid! I'm afraid of this journey! I will be by your side no matter what,and make sure your alright and I'll take care of you.
I love you Nana,
Always Your Princess.
