Normal (Poem)

With Fire in My Veins,

And ice in My Heart,

Like ol ray I'm Blind.

In the land of Gods an monsters

I was angel living in a garden of evil.

Nothing I have ever experienced in my life has been easy but I try not to dwell on it. Normal is everything BUT My Life and somehow I just naturally accepted it.

As if Normal now a day is your parents hooked on drugs and your father in Prison all your childhood.

What is Normal?

Am I normal?

Or am I Normally Disturbed?

What's wrong with me?

Why am I this way? 

I can Hear her crying Over and Over in My Head..

I can hear her pain In her voice as she says I have no answer for you,but this to shall pass.

When!

When!

When will things go back to Our Normal?

Will it?

Will it?

Normal.

Normal is just a word fucked in different positions,Made to feel good when you say it or when you are called it.

 we all have our own Normal! 

But I . . .

I ...

I am FAR FROM NORMAL.

TTC!!!!!! 2015.

Things like this you often get judged upon

I know . .

I know . .

I Share so Many Personal Situations on My Blog, I'm very open and that's exactly what I want my blog to be about.

So here's something I'd like to share with all My Viewers.

A Little Back ground about us, I got off My Birth control in Early Nov.2013 due to Medical reason at that time  My Husband i talked a few times about children but never fully said OK let's try to conceive. In no way shape or form are we AGAINST becoming pregnant, Nor did we Ever use Protection I guess it was just one of those decisions that we did agreed on that we just want it to naturally happen,Rather Going through the whole TTC Process.

2014 We agreed that we just wanted to wait 1 more year, 2014 We faced a lot of challenges that hardly anyone knows about and we just wanted to make sure that once we made this LIFE CHANGING CHOICE that we were Ready.

Mentally,Physically,Financially,Emotionally.

2015 February 9.

its time,

Its Really time to just Focus on Us,Our Family!

What Makes us Happy,Yes I'm sure there will be Many People with Opinions, Many Family Members that will talk Garbage and Nonsense but None of that Matters.

 We are Married,

We Live on Our own,

Pay Our own Bills.

Who has the right to tell us when to conceive?

Who has the authority to tell us Other Wise?

So I guess what I'm trying to say is Today I want to welcome you all to a New Chapter, 

A new chapter in this blog,

A New Chapter in our Life.

Today I took My First HCG Home Pregnancy Test, as you can tell By The Photo Above it was a ( - ) and that is completely fine, We are aware that this will be a process We are aware it can take Weeks,Months,Years for others it might be Quick for others its Very different.

So our plan for 2015 is to Test Every beginning of the Month also Depending on How My Cycle lands will also determine when I test.

Also tomorrow February 10 2015 will be the day I launch My YouTube channel, There you will be able to Follow Up with our Journey in TTC.

I'm excited,Nervous . .

A lot of emotions happening as I'm writing this Blog I've been making some life changes in order to bring My Anxiety and Stress level down so we can conceive ( My Doctor informed me that the big reason why we haven't conceived is Because My Stress An anxiety.

Why have I been distant,

Why I am eliminating certain people out of My Life,

Why I have changed?

I just feel such a different way about Life,like My Daughter is about to be 5 I feel like our family is ready for this Baby. We want to have a Healthy Pregnancy without any drama in our life. We want to have a Healthy support system and those who aren't, are no longer in our life.

So . . 

With that being said Our YouTube channel will follow our Good times and all the in between while TTC .

Tomorrow I will announce Our Channels Name FIRST ON INSTAGRAM FOLLOWING FACEBOOK.