The MAN that CHANGED EVERYTHING.

Now for me Growing up I seen a A lot of Physical an Emotional Abuse towards My mom,an I never could wrap My Brain around Why or how she can stay with a so called MAN as long as they abused her??
With that being I held a lot of Anger towards men,How can men do this? How is this OK?

I always thought of Men to be a Violent Breed of Species,I mean come on how can I NOT,I didn't know there was any other kind.
Little did I know the Things I would see an Hear as a child/Preteen would soon Affect My Adult life. I do believe what I saw as a child affected the way I see men,an My Standards for,men.

After Growing up an Entering My adult hood i just knew i didn't want the Kind of LOVE i seen My family had,


I didn't really know what love was Until I got Pregnant.
A younger,Smarter,Faster ME.
The most amazing feeling I feel, words can't describe the feeling for real.
My Greatest creation was Gracie.

I got this emotion in body,a feeling like . . .  I knew I couldn't live with out this little girl next to me,I wanted everything for her,I never wanted her to Feel Sadness,I never wanted her to worry about Anything,i just want to Protect Her forever.
 So this is what love feels like?
Holding My daughter I felt this 4 letter word Love..
Wow love feels pretty amazing if you ask me?!!

Now Back to MEN;


Than I met My Husband💏💏💏💑💑💑💑.
The Man that would Change EVERYTHING.
All My worries, All My Anger, Hurt ,Broken Pieces.
He Put Together,Richard Made me Realize that there are men that will love you.
That won't hurt you,Men that do want a Family an will do Anything to keep you happy.
In My Case,It was hard to trust because everything I had seen an Heard growing up this was to good to be true.
Richard has changed My Daughters life along with mine forever,
Sometimes I have a Hard time expressing My love,
I thought Yelling an Arguing was A normal kind of love.
Little did I know.....

Learning to love a Man,has been harder than I thought.
But the feeling you get when its Right is Undescribable❤💙.


So now with being almost 21,Married,a Mother,Employed.
I have to constantly remind My Myself "Marissa You are not your Mother,"
I have to break this vicious cycle,Reality Struck. .
An I refuse to be like EVERYONE ELSE.

I am the one to make it Happen, I live for My Daughters an Husband smile an we are going to make it with or without anyone else.

It takes a lot to try an get out of a constant cycle that's been in your family forever,

#GetRight #BreakTheCycle #ImTheOne.








I love you Richard❤

Whos Wrong an Whos Right?

I feel like when people say Being Married isn't no different than a regular relationship are Crazy. Being Married is very different on Many levels!
This Man your about to Marry, you will forever wake up next to him every morning an you  will Lay Next to everynight.
When you get married you Vow To be everything to this Man,You vow to hold him down through thick an than. Its more than just a ring an a Pieace of Paper.

I knew that I wanted a Marriage different than anyone in My Family.
I know, No Marriage is Perfect,I won't sit an Say Our Marriage IS.
We have a lot to Learn an work on,were growing as a Married Couple an we understand that it will get better but we have to make that happen,we have to create the life we want.

Richard an I can Disagree,not talk to each other for a few hours but at the end of the day we still want to lay our heads next to each other.

Till Next time Xoxo 🌻 Marissa.

Pursuit of Happiness

I'm trying to live My Life in a Positive way,Facing life with a Positive attitude in a world that's Full of Hectic.

Now can you Hear Me??

 I want nothing more but the best, Now I don't want to be Rich I want to be well. Money can NOT buy Happiness, It Only makes you Happy,Now Re read that an let it sink in.
I seriously don't know what happen to myself, I was in The Middle of getting my life together an I didn't realize that Im slowly Finding myself?

Did you hear me?

Ya Finding Myself. I never even knew I lost myself..
I guess in the middle of worrying about everyone else an there drama I lost Myself.
 What I mean by all this Is that I never took the time to focus on My self, as a Person,Mother,wife. I just never took the time to invest in myself an become a better person.

I felt like I was drowning in Everyones problems but MY OWN..!!

Did you hear Me ;DROWNING.

I felt like I needed a big Change in My life an Nothing would change unless I make it happen Right? So I started Cutting all the Drama Family an Friends out My life, I vowed to focus an Invest on My Family an Myself. So I did I cut Social media for awhile an focused on working an being a Mother an wife. I feel we some times get to caught up in technology an forget about the Real world.

I feel wonderful,I feel great that I have Made this new investment that no one has ever encourage me to do before.

Its simple if you want to be happy,Be happy.

I will stop at nothing to Continue to make Us Happy.

I Do😏💞💍

It really was love at first sight,
So when I was in Highschool there was this Guy Rodrigo but I never really talked to him,
(OK Remember that ^^)
OK so in 2013 I was going to Clovis Adult to Get my GED. An I had a Friend Name Gema an she was interested in Rodrigo so at Break she started talking to him an than we decided to go hang out at the park an ditch the last hour of class.
I was always their 3rd wheel...

So later that night I was at home on Facebook looking through my brothers Facebook friends an I See "Richard L." An I'm like eh He's cute lol.
The Next Day My friend says Hey Rodrigo gots a Friend wanna double date?
I was like who? She said Richard,
Richard?? Richard who Richard L.
So I was like ya I guess...... So I got his Number he added me on Instagram an we talked a few days before we hung out.

We texted Like what seemed forever I loved getting cute little messages from Him I would wake up an Go to sleep to cute little things..
When we first hung out we all hung out at the park it was Me,Richard,Rodrigo an My Daughter an Gema an Her Kids..

Later in the week I asked Richard if he wanted to hang out alone,Of course he said yes..

Soooo.. I hear this loud exhaust an I'm like what is that sound around my block it kept getting closer an closer I looked out my window an see a all Black Bmw,than I get a text saying "I'm Here"
I'm like Omg omg omg omg,By this time I got butterflies ready to pop.



Fast forward⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩

So we got together an Made it official in Oct,2013 an i was a little ify at first because I had a child an I know Families are quick to judge,so he invited me to his house an I was a little Nervous to bring Gracie Because I didn't know how she would act in front of everyone an Id didn't know how his family would react to us. So I met his 3 sisters an 3 brothers an Gracie quickly grew to love them over time,his Family was very welcoming an Accepted us.
Although I know My husbands mom was skeptical of her favorite Boy Dating me,Because I'm a Package deal.. Although they grew to love Gracie also💞.

So Halloween comes this is our first trip out together an Gracie was just NOT feeling it at all.she didn't talk much to Richard an she didn't really know what was going on she didn't like the fact that he was getting attention that was once all hers. So we went home an I explained that mommy was now dating Richard an he would be around more often.
We spent everyday together,I wanted gracie an Richard to learn to be comfortable around each other,this was the test because if Gracie couldn't accept him or he couldn't accept her it would not work with us.
So November roles around an By this time Gracie an I were already in love with Richard.
He became Everything to Us,i knew i wanted to spend My life with him,

See Everything About Richard is Completely different From Every one else, the way He Kissed me so soft an Genuine I felt so special,the way he held me just felt so real,every good morning Text I got from him,his daily visits or calls It felt amazing having him in our life.

Dec:
So one night i was Joking around an said Lets get married.
An he said Ok..

So Dec 16 2013 we got Married an the only people who knew were My Mom an Her Bf.
We didnt tell our families till after an of course everyone took it hard but we were so deeply in love,Nothing Stopped us.....

It seemed like since the day we got Married Everybody was against us an we Didn't have Anyone But Each other. Well we were in for it,My Husbands family did alot to tear us apart but we Stuck it out an Made it through the tought times..

We have Been married for 7 months an just in these 7 months we have struggled,But we made it through. There's been times that Our marriage has been tested, Richard an I have been tested Numerous of times but we never Gave up on Each other.
Yes some might say were crazy for getting Married so soon,ya were crazy lol so what?
We learn something new about each other everyday,I'm learning how to be a Full time wife,working Full time,an #1 Being a Full time Mom.
I love My Family that we have Created💞
I wouldn't have did it any other way,
A Marriage will work as long as Both Fight for it.
Marriage is very special when it's with the right Man.
My Daughter has always Been My #1 an she always will,Now we Have a #1 Man in Our Life.

Who knew From the concrete,a Flower could Grow.

In today's society were taught that it's abnormal or foreign to get along with the what's Label as "Other Baby Mama"

An Yes of course if were not taught differently we Obey that.

I know I did, I didn't like the fact that someone was playing Mommy With My Daughter,at 16 growing up everyone Had a say so in how I Parented Gracie.

Everyone told me "WHY" I shouldn't get along with Gracies dad or His girlfriend.

I fed off that Rush of what I thought was Right, because since I'm MOM I'm Always right even if I'm wrong you can't say so. After awhile I realized My Daughter Needs Both Parents she Needs To know her Dad,its only Fair.

With all the back an fourth arguing an all the He said she said Bs I was over Trying to Co-parent.

See It was about HOW I felt,an all My Anger an Confusion.

I wasn't worried how this would affect Our Daughter in the long run.

On New years of 2013 as the ball Dropped I Told Gracie an My self I promise to Really Try,I promise NOT to give up Because you deserve this,you deserve the best life. Even if I don't like some things I promise to just try an not give up.To not let anyone come between how I feel about this idea,an just remember that it's for the best.

An its time that I start to think an figure things out on My own as a Mother,an to Co-parent.

I began to understand Sabrina an Realize she has put up with alot, an she wasn't going anywhere lol.

An all that Mattered was we Respected each other an Each others Kids. I wanted her to love an care for Gracie as her own an everything else fell into place Really..

 Recently Michael asked if he could see gracie while he was in town an take her for ice cream i was like ya ok..

I just said you know what Michael is her Dad,Sabrina has 3 kids they will be fine if I leave her alone for the first time lol.

So of course Gracie Screamed an cried but I was like your fine I know shell have fun.

In complete shock Michael was like umm OK lol , because I never done this before..

When I came back later to get her she was running around having fun playing with her Siblings, I felt good on how far we have come,on how we learned to parent as a Blended Family.This isn't easy, it took 4 years but it does get better.

It gets better with the child's father if you make it,its a constant fight to remember its not about how you feel towards them,its about Your child you have with them. They Matter in this, an parents should be able to co parent with out any stress.

I  love what we have built we have a understanding about everything. We're Great friends an communicate Good,Sabrina is a Good Friend an we built a good relationship, it will take hard work an determination to get to where we are at today but it is Possible an its worth the Hard times..

Let's welcome the "OtherBabymama"

This is Rare an i know some of you Moms are in shock but like i said we have come along way an were PROUD that we can do this.

Sabrina:

we have both said our share of mean, ugly and completely disrespectful thing. From listening to others opinions to being told she said this and she said that. From other having an opinion on how our relationships should be and being told baby mamas and girlfriend aren't supposed to get along. I had never experienced the hate between people when another person is involved and has another child with someone else, my parents never showed the ugly in front of me or maybe I was just plain blind to it all. I didn't understand how one day Marisa and I could be fine with one another and the next we were enemies again because someone told her I said something about her and she said something bad about me. It took 3 years before there was no longer other people getting involved and we as people (Gracie's dad included) could talk without an argument between the two of them I was constantly being a buffer and Marissa didn't always like that; but when you'd hear the way a conversation was turning from a talk to and ugly argument who wouldn't want to intervene? 

Now as Gracie turned 4 this year I can say with confidence everything is so much better. We can all hang out and be in the same room without it being tense or awkward. Marissa and I have a good friendship as well as Gracie's dad and her. Believe it or not the goal I was looking forward to years before. I love Gracie she is include as one of my kids. We don't get to see her like we'd like to with finances getting in the way as well as our schedules and now living an hour and a half away from each other. 4 years ago no one that seen all we went threw would tell you they could see us all talking and being civil in the same room, but it's all for Gracie and now her siblings she has an older brother and 2 sisters who love her dearly. 

No one can tell you how to live your lives weather it be the father of your child(ren) being in a relationship with someone else or vis versa. All you can do is grown up and realize everything you do to be civil with that person will only benefit your child(ren), learn from us and move past the ugly & bitterness and fast forward to the positive.

Till next time Xoxo -Marissa

Things i Cant Change.

My mom holds a special place in my heart,I feel like doesn't Matter how many times she hurts My Heart she can do no wrong.

I Was the that one child who always stuck by My moms side no matter what. I never wanted to see her cry or hurt. Growing up I didn't understand a lot about My mom? I mean look at My mom she's Drop Dead Gorgeous, so why would she allow Pain an Misery in her life?? Why would she through her life away? 

Usually when you have children your suppose to Change,your Children are now your Life.My mom didn't get that Memo much.

When times were good they were Wonderful, an when they were bad,they were Horrible.

I remember one Christmas my mom surprised me with My Favorite Barbies a "Brat doll" an a "Hello Kitty Blow up Chair". My mom would get this Twinkle in her eyes when she seen we were happy. or i remember One thanksgiving My Mon Decided to cook her own Turkey,lol i still remember how Happy an Jumpy My mom was to make this turkey right.

As i got older i started to understand Life More, theres this one Morning i can never forget . .

I was in the 6th Grade an woke up that morning to go to school my mom had breakfast ready an i went into her room an i seen her friend Getting High...

An i kinda just stood there in shock,i wasn't sure how to feel or what to think But i knew it wasn't right.

So i left to school an i couldn't stop thinking about what i saw? I had this sick empty feeling inside of me,i felt Hurt,i felt Angry, i didn't know what was going on.

i was in denial oh no My mom cant be using drugs she goes to school an shes a Good mom to us, she wasn't like My Friends Parents who were on Drugs.

I had Painted this picture of My Mom a Picture of someone who can never do wrong,she was Beautiful an Smart,Funny,outgoing how can MY Mom be a Addict? This made no sense.

As i got older it only got worse With My Mom,i felt like My whole life changed in a Blink of a Eye,i Really didnt know what kind of life My mom was living. I felt like she lied to me,i lost all My Trust, i was so Hurt it turned into Anger. Anger that seems impossible to get rid of. 

I never picture My mom to be the way she is, i constantly remind her how Beautiful she is an what a better life she can have. I felt like My Mom basically gave up on me at a certain point,i became the mother to her. I still didnt have the Heart to push her away,i was Weak.

When you have so much love for a person,more love than they have for their selfs its hard to deal with,your not the only one who was hurting.

Stress an Anxiety took over My life as a Young child up to My adult hood,Now stress an anxiety is Normal to a certain point. I feel like My Moms soul got lost an she Missed Me growing up,i tried to find her soul an when i found it she turned it down an pushed me away.

Having a Parent who has a addiction is Very hard,very Emotional, its very life less if that makes sense.its hard to see someone destroy there self an you have no control of it. My world comes Crashing down when My mom needs me an i cant help her,NOT because i dont want to,Because i have A Daughter an i Refuse to have her grow up with Any of this stress in her life like i did or any of these feelings. Children deserve a fresh start at life an only you as a parent can give them that. I have to be strong for My Daughter ,because i have a promise to keep,from the moment i found out i was having a Little girl i told my Self i would never ever put My Daughter around the things i was around growing up,that i would always live a drug Free life for her.

Things you cant change still hurts,it will always hurt.

I Love you mom.

Your Still the Best to me.

Dear Marissa.

So

Im laying in My daughters room just got off of work,
Longest 8 hours ever lol. Been up since 4am. Its now 4pm.
Lol anyways so were watching Hercules,an I just had this thought if I could write a Letter now for Myself when I became 10 what would it say? OK Between 10-13.
It would Start Like this . .


Dear Marissa,
Your Very Beautiful,Smart,someone loves you. an Despite the way your growing up the things you have to See an Hear on a daily Basis,you won't turn out like that.
 i just want to let you know it doesn't get easier,but lucky for you,your a very tuff Mama,
you have to Constantly Remind your self that you are not your Mom or Dad.
You are better than your parents,Speaking of Mama;
you will soon experience your First child,an though you might struggle because you don't have a Role model Mother you won't Fail.
Your going to be a Amazing Mother.
Marissa Your Struggle is going to make you who you are for the BEST.
 the Mother your about to become, an the Wife you will be down the line,your going to have to make many Sacrifices, an become a Very Different person.

Your Very Caring,you have the Biggest Heart an always tend to help people.
But you need to know that later in your life you an your family (Gracie,an My Husband)
Is what Matters. Yes your heart is going to ache but Realize that you can't change anyone.
An you have to live your life,its time.

You have a Very Hard Childhood,actually you never really experience the true meaning of Child hood,but once your grown you will be a Successful hard working Mother an wife.
All Because your Struggle Made you want more for your Family,

Never Give up on Yourself Or your Children&Husband.

#2 poop? No #2 Baby💞

YES!! 
Hubby an I want More Children, though we want to work an Focus on our marriage an build a strong Empire for our Kids. We are planning for a Baby but Honestly Only god knows when your Ready. I have Butterflies for My Husband to Experience Fatherhood,yes he's a Step Dad ,I just can't wait for the whole Pregnancy Stage an Labor an Delivery. I'm so Much more educated An Ready,Gracie would love a Sibling.
Gracie is older now so she can be so Involved👪

YES we're Trying for Baby #2💁🐒👪
But were Also Focusing on Our life,Marriage, Jobs, An Gracie👗.
So we will Just Leave it there 👑.

What to Expect when your Expecting? ⌚.

Civil.

When it comes to sharing My Pregnancy story I feel like a lot of moms let out a lot of personal feelings an stay bitter towards there situation if it didn't go the way they expected,
Not everyone stays with their Child's Father,An My Personal Opinion on that,is..
It is what it is, things DO Happen you just got to Pick your self up an Move on an Be the best parents you can be, Despite your Situation with the Mother or Father you put all that aside an Be parents. I knew My Daughters Dad for about 3 years we were more of a Fling when it was Convenient for us. Its Really Complicated My Daughters Dad is 7 years older than me we lived different lives,when I became pregnant I think it caught us both by surprise an we both reacted differently.
I knew In My Heart once I had this Baby it was going to Be Gracie an I forever,
I didn't plan on her having her father,because I Never Did.... A Sad Fact; most the time when us Young Teens become pregnant we will repeat what we see when it comes to parenting,if our fathers weren't there that seems almost natural.
Growing up I NEVER wanted to be wrong,I was Always Right!
Now being 20 I can Admit My Faults an Where i did Parent Wrong,I Tried to parent with With  all the Anger, Confusion an Hurt that was in My Life at the time.
From No Visits to Weekend vists ,to Court orders,Arguing Constantly it became part of My daily life. We Couldn't Speak about ANYTHING with out Arguing,it seemed impossible to even think of Co-parenting, little did I know it was about to get more Complicated, So Gracie's Dad told me about his Girlfriend,(Whom has a Son,but not from Gracie's Dad) 
I was like um no my daughter isn't going around Her or her Son. I didn't like the fact of some other woman playing Mommy with MY Daughter,Gracie's Dads Family Tended to Play us Against Each other  99% of the time I believe all of our families were to involved,
      So 4 years Later Here we Are We Get along Fine,We Co-parent when I say Co-parent I just mean were able to be civil around Each other,so when Gracie does see her Dad she doesn't see us Arguing or always stressed . 
Gracies Dad has 2 other little Girls an a Step son. Gracie sees them when we have time since we all work an live in different towns.
I'm now Married an she has a wonderful Daddy Here at Home who loves an cares for her.
Being a Blended Family isn't easy it will NOT happen over Night it took us 4 Years. But its well worth it.. Because at the end of the day The only person who matters is Gracie.
So be Wonderful Parent an Always Strive to make things right,Not for you but for your Children.



Till Next time xoxo Marissa
😘 

TRY to Explain Your Bond.

Try to Explain YOUR BOND

As Parents we have to Remeber to cherish all the Little moments an to Embrace what our Children do.

When My daughter shows her Fierce,Sassy Attitude off i try to understand the person that she will become.

.BONDS that are Unbreakable.

To try to explain the bond i have with My Daughter seems impossible,i knew from the moment I found out i was pregnant i was going to Experience an Endure More than Just life its self.

I was 15 when i found out i was Pregnant an i was 16 when i gave Birth,of course when you become pregnant you wonder about Gender an names? well at 13 weeks i found out i was pregnant with a Little Girl,at 18 weeks doctors Confirmed she was a Girl. Gracie...

Gracie would be My Daughters name,an Never have i felt a Swoon of emotions bottled up inside of me. I often think,wow i have a little Girl inside of me an Her whole life depends on me,ive never felt so much responsiblity an so much emotions in my life.

Little did i know . . . . this was Just the Start.

 I was a little Nervous........ I didn't know what to Expect......

But once They Handing me this Little Girl I knew for the Rest of My life all that would Matter is HER.

I Never believed in love at first sight until I saw Gracie, the Look in Her eyes,Her New Baby Smell,her Tiny little fingers an toes i couldn't get over or comprehend how in LOVE i was with her..

I can't explain My love for her,Try to imagine all the water in the oceans an weigh it.

Than Multiply it by all the Beach Sand in the world.I'm not sure if there are words that can explain all My feelings for My Child,its Undescribable.

Finding Myself.

(Sometimes I feel we tend to get so lost an Caught up in technology, let'sface it... Its takes us to Another world that we never knew existed.
Instead of Talking we text,some aren't even capable of holding a Sentence because we loose our self's in the technology world.)
Sometimes I loose my self in My own thoughts at night.
Ever have one those nights where you tune out the whole universe, aka "ME TIME"




 An I knew at that Exact moment I knew forever my whole life would change. I knew everything i did would affect her in every way,I knew that I had to give her more than life its self.
When I held Gracie it hit me so hard that it was almost Natural,
I felt the love in my Soul for this little girl,I felt all these weird emotions an I knew it was LOVE.
So this is what love feels like,
My Daughter brings emotions out I never knew I had.
She shows me I have power I never knew I had.
I discovered My self because of My daughter .

Happy Wife Happy Life.

I always thought being a Married was to Cliche,
That The perfect Man didn't exist ,there had to be More to the Fairy tales.
Wasn't till i met my prince charming....
Richard an I just suddenly Happen, we just clicked very fast an I knew from the moment
I saw his Big Light Brown eyes,I knew I wanted to spend the rest of My life with him.
How do these feelings just Suddenly accure?
How do you know you Want to spend your whole life with someone..
These are all the questions I asked Myself..
I'm a 20 year old Mother of a 4 year old an I tell my self.
"When you know you know,you know??"
I Became Mrs.Lopez
Mrs.
We're a Blended Family..

Normal Life.....

A Normal life seems is Great Right about now,
Never the less that's never going Going to happen.
Is there even such thing as a Perfect life??